The “S” Word

Our home is in a lovely stretch of Eastern North Carolina on a broad creek, aptly named “Broad Creek”. Sitting just behind Bogue Sound, we’re separated from the Atlantic Ocean by the lower end of the Outer Banks, a string of picturesque barrier islands.  It’s a beautiful place to call home, and it’s almost never affected by the “S” word… SNOW!

Sadly, our house was severely damaged by Hurricane Florence in September and is currently uninhabitable. My husband and I are temporarily residing in Northern Virginia just outside Washington, D.C., a place that I called home for more than a half-century. There’s an abundance of attractions and activities to entertain its population, but only if you prepared to subject yourself to horrendous traffic made all the worse by self-absorbed drivers. If I know anything for sure in this world, it’s the chaos that the “S” word brings to the suburbs of D.C.

Self-absorbed family type A will refuse to allow a little frozen precipitation to keep them from going about their daily lives. They are far too important to miss a day at the office or hockey lessons or their laser hair removal appointment. They typically drive shiny SUVs with blacked out windows at an aggressive pace on the crowded streets. You see, they grew up in _________________ (insert name of any city north of the Mason-Dixon line) and will not hesitate to tell you that they “know how to drive in the snow” with a superior tone in their voice. So the idea of canceling appointments and activities because of pure white, delicate and sparkly snow??? Noooooo!!

Self-absorbed family type B will prepare for the oncoming war by battling the crowds at Whole Foods for the last $5 loaf of bread with 49 different types of sprouted whole grains, boasting biologically nutritional qualities and an unfathomably low-glycemic index. They plan to make homemade milk chocolate with the children and fill their grocery carts with organic cocoa powder, coconut sugar, and unsweetened almond milk. They drive eco-friendly vehicles at an aggressive pace on the crowded streets, their stick-figure family decals on the back window waving as they pass by.

Self-absorbed family type C is generally elated by the mere possibility of more than 3 inches of messy slush on the roads. They relish the idea of a day off to make snow angels, build a cheesy snowman in the front yard, and take photos of the virgin snow with their iPhone XS, posting on social media with Instagram filters that could make Fairfax County’s Mt. Landfill look dreamy… #winterwonderland. They drive nondescript Crossovers at an aggressive pace on the crowded streets. The applique on the back window? A North Carolina Outer Banks “OBX” decal, advertising their chosen vacation destination and the place I call home.

Oh, how I long for my home on the Crystal Coast! Now, if you’ll please excuse me I need to call my husband.

“Honey, can you please stop and get some milk, bread and toilet paper on the way home tonight?”


Sharon and the Hero Dog

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